To my parents. I can guess what you're feeling. Seeing one son after another taking the same path. All this came to me few minutes ago, squatting on your balcony smoking again. Imagine what its like for you, two smoker sons, both starting in primary school. Both going to shitty schools because of chinese. Yeah, you can say I'm different. I had better scores. No, I'm still a disappointing son.

Potential, you said I had. But then here I am. Letting you down. The thing about being book smart is that what they teach at this level is boring. I can understand the forces of gravity between two objects of mass, but the upstairs are giving me electricity. I've never been interested in studies, maybe I've read too much early on?

Anyway, I'd understand if you thought I was bpc for you. Kor has done the same right? You thought you've done better with me. Different circumstance, different character, know? You've spoilt me, but I guess that only led to kor and zhes to take it on them to discipline me, their way. And then there's that rift now.

The fact that with my condition, I just smoked 6 cigarettes, I realise I don't care for my body like you want me to. But then, how can I? I always wondered why people say smoking is bad. But I understand now, I'm stuck. Thats not it right, you just want a sterile life for us. People got to let of steam some how. And you let it off on me. Who do I have?

To my brothers. You've kept me safe, in a world that wasn't very dangerous until I met you. But then, there's the fun. I don't hate you. Hell, I enjoy your company. Why else would I have taken that blood oath with you? But you're all gone. NS? You only had 3 months BMT. You'd've come back every weekend after. But no, fight. Get DB. Prison? You didn't have to use the beer bottles. A normal fist fight would've gotten you a shorter sentence.

So now here I am, paying off kor's debt, helping your sister. Because XF, you had to follow your father right? So now I get a lot less than before. Thanks. And you let me do dangerous work too. Sure, Shan took the drug blame for me before. But he's not here now, is he? He's not on strike one or two any more, is he? Next one he gets the rope. And he's not even protected by juvenile either.

To my love. Falling for you was like a waterlog ride. You don't want to do it, but you get on, and you just hit that down. Its fun, you get all wet. Then its over. Then if you want to do it again, you get in a long line, soaking wet.

And it was fun. But now I'm soaked. And I'm just waiting for another ride now.

My dear best friend. Thats what you call me right? But is that what I am? I've never heard of friends who only plan to go out. Who only talk digitally. But then, I never expected you to come through. Why I'm so disappointed I have no idea. I've always known its in your character not to do what I wanted. Falling just short. But yet, I didn't mind. I don't hate you for it. Its my own fault, trying to change you.

And oh, society. How you never fail to disgust me. Crowding around for every small thing. This fascination has, no doubt, led to evolution in the past. But we've adapted enough to the world. We've adapted the world enough to us. Time to adapt to being perfect, is it not? Whats this concept of god? I still haven't had a wonderful miracle come my way, bring me to light. Thats what you need. You should have firm evidence then believe in it.

I suppose I have let it all out, haven't I? Too bad no one will read this. But take this as a goodbye, if you must.